yes, i've taken it out.

and.... it was not as disgusting as i imagined. the process nor the thing. ;)

oh, i was talking about my nuvaring, from my contraceptive post.

however, i dont know whether this is related or not, but my current blood pressure reading is quite high. and this is the first time ever i have this kind of reading. its always normal even during all my pregnancies. *sighs*

HOWEVER, before i am being accused of being a slanderer, heheh, you have to know this is merely a suspicion on my part.. uhm... and maybe... that i was also just recovering from a fever, which means antibiotics and what nots... plus, i didnt have the time to fully rest after the fever broke- being on the road from alor setar to kl.
and here i thought my body is all imune to hardships :p

anyway, yes, i was quite quick to put in my suspicion to the ring. heh.

but as it is, i think it went well. i was told that i will be expecting my periods during this time and yeap, i did.
and, aside from me being under the weather, no other side effects though.

old issue...soothed.

no big secret. i hate being old.

but here is the best part when you are in that state. you feel extra excited when being commnented (or slightly implied) that you are not. B-)

last weekend, me and ikan, we were one of the entourage for a cousin's (ikan's side) engagement. so, they invited few relatives in KL to join in, which includes both releatives from the cousin's mom (ikan's aunt) and his dad, plus.. a few of this cousin's friends.

we gathered at this cousin's house for a breakfast gathering before we make the convoy trip to Sepang.

first episode
me and ikan (the kids are in Seremban at my mom's place since they want to spend their school holidays at kampung), we sat side by side during conversation, eating and sometimes do nothing. we touch each other, yes. playfully slapping or pinching each other, whispering at an intimate distance. PS: this is NOT to make you guys puke. im telling you the condition that day.

and then, i joined the 'kids' at conversation- by kids i mean the cousin's friends. i think they just entered the work world, say 23 to 24 years old. one of them was holding a baby girl. close to aydeen's age. and me being the mommy-sickly-missing-her-babies me, asked to hold her baby and excused my obstrusive behavior as me missing my kids.

and.... this is when i get all smiley and kembang kempis.

the girl said "dah ada anak? Ingatkan belum kahwin lagi"

i grinned like a toddler being offered candy.. and purposely paused (to cherish the moment being labeled as single and (self impying) young...) before answering "heheh, dah empat dah"

at this moment, i had vague thoughts that she may be referring to our 'behavior' but i insist that she meant our looks. taking from Jenny Lawson, dont judge me.

second episode
me and ikan were in this conversation with a relative (ikan's aunt's husband's side). It is logical that she (~60yo) didnt know us. both me and ikan being the younger generation in the family.
so, when she was asking ikan where he lives and ikan replied 'live nearby', and going on about being from utara and what nots (at this time, i was beside ikan, happily rubbing my palms at his thighs and smiling and nodding to the conversation). ikan's aunt was there too, joining the talk.

then the same woman asked me "awak duduk mana?"

.... *awkward silence*
i was trying to understand the question. so simple yet so difficult to answer.

then ikan's aunt saved the awkward silence by coughing and replied "ni menantu Lyn, wife die ni",  at the same time gesturing towards ikan and me.

simultaneously, ikan was saying "kami duduk kat sini-sini ja. dia wife saya", emphasizing the 'kami'.

it was awkward, yes. but in a weird way, i felt indignantly delighted.
i am giddy with the insinuation that we are young (self implied) and unmarried.
yet at the same time, i do not touchy feelly my boyfriend in front of elders. relatives, at that! (i know this left me with all sorts of implications but each to his thoughts) Taking from Jenny Lawson again, dont jugde me.

there. that was one of the many hectics (hahah, this is one emo ride for me since i take this old issue seriously!) that came over me during the weekend.

what should i feel? happy? perasan? hahaha. that is exactly what i feel. :)

beautiful words from the guy...

tell me i'm not wrong.

whatever puji-pujian you receive from other people, does not even compare to when you receive it from your spouse. (ok, actually, i'm talking from a wife's perspective).

and it goes vice versa (i mean, when HE comments/ complaints, urgh. it hurts. deep hurt)

if your friend says you're pretty, you say thank you and feel delighted.
when your husband says you're pretty, you feel like you're the f*cking queen of the universe.

if your relative says you're generous and kind, you feel humbled and delighted.
when your husband says you're generous and kind, you feel like you're Mother Theressa.

what if when your friends or acquaintance call you're crazy?
i doubt i feel a thing. laugh out loud maybe.

when my husband says 'YOU MAKE ME CRAZY!'
i blush (figure of speech, not real blush cause i'm dark and doubt i really can...) and smiled like a crazy person everytime i remember :)

my nose and i...

[selit] my sister (she's a teacher) said that most of her students (even the top ones...) are guilty of not using proper capital letters, as am i :). it is simply the sms-internet language invading them. i dont condone this in educational usage, yet, i dont get offended simply because it is easier for the writer and (having read some haywire converted ebooks), the content is what i am looking for :). all that said, sorry to have screwed your eyes with my incorrect spelling, grammars and capital letterings! [abih selit]

i have a blasted sensitive nose.
its worst during morning sickness when everything is smellier! (no, i am NOT pregnant!)

*prepare for some negativity*
i hate strong perfumes
i hate those (sorry) religious burning smells..
i hate bau kemenyan (my mom's neighbour, seriously!)
i hate bau cat's poop and piss (damn, neighborhood cat!)
i hate bau gel rambut lelaki yang sangat hapak itu..
and, this morning, seriously! i hate that my monday started with bau orang tak mandi. OMG! at least start your week with some hygene, no?

and now, i feel that the smell of this fella in the train is haunting me. or is it my flamboyant work neighbor pun x mandi?

ikan always says that its all in my mind and that the smell can be ignored.
i beg to differ.
my nose insist on sucking these 'odorants'. and that you can not unsmell them. its fact (eh, i think so)
and it will definitely kacau my lunch/ dinner or in this case- work. damn irritating, is what it is.

*gradually letting the negative air bubble out*
i do however, like this nose of mine when my kids pooped. :) saves the trouble of finding out when the poop gets thick to wash ;p *eww*
i like it also that i can smell good food (usually my favs) when no where in sight. so, ikan will be all 'mana ada' and flushes embarassedly when i found 'em..

oh well. dear nose, you can stop smelling these 'bau budak asrama' ever! make it like a filter or something before you send it to the whatever nerves..

gish!

felda oh felda...

disclaimer: this post is slightly different from previous posts simply because i dont discuss my own financial interest or investments publicly... embarrassed is more likely the reason :p.. but... felda wei!

anyway...

so, have you heard about felda being up for IPO yet? you should, if you're a Malaysian. with all the hoos and haas..

honestly, i havent trade in the exchange for 3 years now. restrictions, dont you know... but since... uhm.. you would soon know what..

i am seriously considering this. man, for ~rm4.50 worth (forecasted).. not as expensive as most blue chips.. but..
politics aside, think of money.. albeit my own analysis(?) might not be correct.. and, the very known stock market being unpredictable due to speculations (although analysts can never put this in their report!) but honestly, most stocks are driven because of it.
eh, nak bagi ceramah plak...back to the point.

if you are big players of stock market, you can opt for financing, which i can refer you to. easy peasy.
if you are a lowly small investor, why dont we give it a try huh? 10 lots (1 lot = 100 units, for those who dont know, in Malaysia, we can buy min 1 lot) only costs you rm4500.

felda, babe!

contraceptive day 8

i started nuvaring on 16th and today is my 8th day.

the insertion is easy peasy. seriously, i dont feel a thing.

the side effects?
not sure whether nausea is one of them or this is simply gas in my tummy. but its been a week now i- i felt like vomiting in the morning (only). please, dont let it be pregnancy again.
horny as hell- i noticed.
headache- minor, but again.. this might be the gas again.
there's some rash (ikan said) at my bon bon.
insomnia.. but maybe thats because of aydeen crying. (mommy's boy have to have his mom's arm pit near his face to sleep. and his mom rather be under his dad's arm pit.)

but so far, its okay. will be taking it out on June 6. will update that later (urgh... if you still want to hear read)

a quickie.

yeahh!!! received this from the mail today!

apologies for the camera quality. satu- ia di bawah meja dua- my phone adalah kuno hp.. hahaha

taking from the author herself,

'...Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them...'

here here~

f*cking cracking funny

i normally go to TheMalaysianReader's blog for good reviews or simply for a good chuckle reading his posts.
today, i am soo thankful for his desperation-to-read-something-funny that led me to be a fan of 'The Bloggess'. it is amazingly wtf-funny!

i seriously banged my head on my desk reading her posts. real or no.

*looks up to [heaven]* THANK GOD FOR THE NET!

my 'old' issue... again

ok, ok. for those who reads my post from a year back or so.. you would already know i dread being old.
and later i uhm... guess supposedly resigned to the notion.

well.. my resignation was with condition, actually. heh :p

i know i am no longer young. even though i favor most songs on 'we are young, forever young etc etc..' you get my drift.
but i separate myself from those kakak2 abang2 and encik2 (mid forties with kids in secondary schools)
to me they labeled as *sheepishly* uhm.. older generation.. (c'mon! i was born in 1980! still counts as gen-y kan?)

anyway, i am at peace (if not slightly disturbed) when a 10 year old calls me auntie/ achik. (actually, i almost strayed my cycling route when this boy hailed to me 'hi auntie!') but after recovering, yes, i managed to gesture a peace sign to him.. albeit not straight away :p

i, however, sangat terkedu when my neighbour's kid of ~14yo calls me 'hi achik'.

whoa? did that just happened?
(me and ikan were playing badminton and i honestly missed ikan's shuttlecock, and an easy one at that!)

i  know logically the boy should call me this. his younger sisters calls me achik too. nope, dont mind a'tall. but his younger sisters are ~aqish's age.

sekali lagi i was being knocked to senses. another sign to get the ibadah kicking!

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Oh, before that. I read and sometimes I put my thoughts on those books here but I am NOT in anyway starting a book blog.. well.. at least not in this blog. This one was supposed to be my experience using the secret but hahahah.. well, that turned out perfectly well, didn’t it?

Back to business.
As mentioned previously, I L.O.V.E Suzanne Collins! She writes splendidly!

I love all of 3 books in the trilogy but I didn’t like how she (and the director) did with the movie. I specifically hated the ‘blair-witch-project’ style of camera shooting. Its dizzying. :p

The Hunger Games
The first book in the trilogy is intriguing- it wrecked my emotional yin yang. I cried a lot reading this one. But also it somehow made me energetic and in a fight/survive mode. I love Katniss’ kindness act but not quite in her surviving act. Its because I like Peeta- his sense of maturity and kindness. Somehow, I hated Katniss for ‘acting’ to be in love with him, although it was needed for both of them to survive. At least, she should hint him that it was for the game, and not letting him on. But then, this is needed to strengthen the story line in book 3. *sighs* the book is perfect, to be honest.

But I did have the need to take a break and hence, I read The Hunger Pains, right before (or in between) I read the second installation. Just to get the feel again but also to reset my emo state to be at cheerful mode. :p deng its funny. Bodoh funny, but funny all the same.

Catching Fire
Uhm.. to tell you the truth. Reading the second book wasn’t too exciting. It was needed to introduce and strengthen the new characters. It also showed how Katniss developed a more adult feeling towards Peeta, but hold your horses... nothing exciting happened.

Anger and frustration- those were frequent feelings I had while reading. Romantic? a few.

This is where they don’t give a fig about the outcome of their lives and developed their sense of rebellion. Another must have before starting with Book3. Okay, it seems my opinion on the second book is quite dull. But its not so bad. Its still an interesting read.

Mocking Jay
Now, this is where the story gets serious. It tells us about war. Its simple, really- you hate being oppressed, you want to fight back and usurp the current ruler. And, yes, it involved war. But, there it is. War. It’s not so simple. Though fictional and I shouldn’t be thinking about it too much, but I can’t help it. Its definitely thought provoking. The story is wonderfully practical (can I say that?) what I mean is, while you are reading a fictional story and hoping/ expecting a HEA, which she delivered, but there were also unhappy endings especially to good characters. *spoiler alert* I love Finnick and Prim but they ended up dead.*end spoiler* Now, in normal stories, you would want to lash at the author. But somehow, I feel that the story needs this- to tell that war brings casualties. War brings sadness. It cannot say to readers (especially teenagers- young adults) that war is the answer and everything will be merrily ever after.

Though, I like the ending, albeit not too excited about it- having (the handsome) Gale out being this sophisticated government intelligence whatever, and kissing another pair of lips, as quoted by Katniss. He didn’t do anything wrong but I was hoping that he knows Katniss chose Peeta and not him (is it obvious I’m in team Peeta?) and not because of circumstances. Not because they wont be able to work out because of the bombing.

Another thing I love this third installation is because of what Plutarch said

“… Now we’re in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated. But collective thinking is usually short-lived. We’re fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction. Although who knows? Maybe this will be it, Katniss …[This] time it sticks. Maybe we are witnessing the evolution of the human race. Think about that”

It summarizes somehow.

I wish I was reading these with my kids are in their teens. It’s really something I want them to read and ponder.

polite or not having the guts?

one thing i hate using the train to work is encountering peraba. *spits!* a$$holes, them lot!

you want your day to start off cheerful, happy and positive.
and then when you have to be sardined into the train, its still ok. prasarana may have their own legitimate reasons why they have to treat their customers like this, no?

but then, when you suddenly feel that some guy's hand suspiciously rubs your bum, and even after a not so subtle hint for the hand to 'bugger off!', you still feel it. argh #$@! would you want to just tell him off?

before you think i may be exagerating or syak wasangka.. cmon! i know there's room for his hands to grip the handle (both his right and left hands!) i even looked  stared directly at his hands on the job! why would you want to dangle your hand towards my bum when there is a perfectly free space at the handle bar for your hands to rest/ hold on to.

when i stared at his left hand, i felt again the slight rub by his right! i mean! seriuosly! i dont even HAVE a butt! go feel up your own a$$, f*cking b*stard!

(see? what reliving it made me feel? all fired up with anger!)

anyway, i dont know what actually refrained me from saying "dude! (or gramps for all i care), do you want me to swear at you and embarass you in here? or do you rather get your f*cking hands away from my f*cking butt?"

ok. sekarang i am all fired up, explains all the swearing.

why didnt i have the gut to say at least "excuse me, im not comfortable with your hands near my behind. can you hold on to the handle or aything?"

malu or plain malas? or takut? what? what makes most malaysian women cant speak when they are violated? why?

being a parent is hard.

hahaha..
baru sekarang terfikir?

its not that we dont know this. almost everybody knows that parenting is hardwork.
from birth, with what the waking ups at night, the early education, the lessons we want to teach and instill in them, the worry, the everything.

and you think that by 'telling' them the right thing to do is enough. well, its a BIG nope.

you also have to think about how you conduct yourself.
you simply cant be your outrageous-self and expect your kids to be not that.

its sometimes the simplest little habit of yours that will be picked up by them.
like me, seriously, i have to stop swearing (in front of them, at least la kan?).

and the outbursts? yeap, i blame myself too.
(mode: expressing self embarassment) back in our little condo, me and ikan, when we fight those fights, we fought like mad people :p. and unfortunately, all the outbursts were witnessed by them Bs. before you shook your heads, we know that its not healthy. but when in the heat of moment, sometimes logic and sense are thrown out the window. :( sad.. but there it is.

anyway, i think why kids are soooo expressive in their tantrums are because they saw the mother did it, then it must be ok.

gish... i am wallowing with guilt here.

so, being a parent. its hard. its good, though. it forces you to be a better person. and isnt that our ultimate purpose in life- being better?

Buying Books Anonymous

(ehem ehem.. *standing up guiltily*)

i went to a bookstore to buy these fixi books, after intriguingly reviewed by a blogger.
the said books were absent. i know i should leave. but my eyes wondered, my brains zinged, my hands itched.

i lost. i bought these:

Speeches That Changed The World, RM29
The Hunger Pains, RM49 (seriously! this is wayy expensive- by ringgit per page, compared to Collins' but heck, its funny!)
Dr Suess' There's A Wocket In My Pocket, RM9
My Perfectly Pink Activity Book, RM16 x 2 (utk B1 and B2 aaa)
Colours, RM8 (utk B3)

i havent finish reading the ones bought during the big bad wolf, the ones boght last month, the ones i purchased online.

i need to call my sponsor. ~~haihh

on dying.

oh.. why so depressing topic?

wait.. its not depressing. i am actually in a blithesome mood.

and, perhaps.. maybe a bit of influences from a post here and the hapless circumstances that led me to be one of the millions (ok, i guess this is exagerated) missed the cranberries concert. (read with passionate hatred: jeles kat anness)

anyway, back to the topic at hand. I know this is another one of my weird things i do/think.
have you ever think how you want to die?

my arwah ayah wished to draw his last breath at home with his wife and all of his children at his side. this was granted.

i want that too. but can i berangan-angan to die under the bright sunshine, holding my love ones, or.. them holding me.. i guess ?!

like that song from The Cranberries- Dying in the sun.
i want  to die happy and peacefully at old age, sitting on a balcony or something but under the beautiful bright sunshine.
with ikan holding my hands (preferably, we die together.. i dont think i am strong like my mother to have survive without my dad)
with my kids (and perhaps lots of grandkids) with me.

hahaha. me and my romantic sense :p
ikan: "is dying ever romantic?"
yes, when you have me as your wife :)

oops.. was i responsible?

remember the 'odd song'?

i watched the video at home so that the videos are not interrupted. so, basically, when i watched it, my kids are there with me- especially aqish.

(p.s: the original video- the artistic one, 30% involves partial n.udity. I always order aqish to close her eyes whenever she sees a lot of unnecessary flesh :p. it includes this one.)

but the thing is, she loves this song too. and between 2 of the most popular videos (one by gotye, one by walk of earth), she said she loves the video of the latter better but loves to hear the one by gotye and kimbra. she adores kimbra's voice and... eye lashes! "-_-

she is (like me...) addicted to this song (she actually disected the video- commenting on the voice (low, high), why a certain gesture, why the angst... i ended up explaining the meaning of the song. and now she is obsessed with 'stranger' and 'somebody i used to know'!)

so now, i am torn.

i am proud that she is actually analysing the song- picking up the words and asking me what it means. but at the same time- i am not 100% comfortable with the expossure of fleshes, eventhough it is not that vulgar.

i dont know, what do you guys think..? should i absolutely ban her from watching it?
(sebab, ade satu video of Selena Gomez's- love song tu, this girl was murdering(!) the boy, and once we noticed it, we banned them from watching, which they (aqish mostly) obliged)

but then, she loves kimbra.
i better wait for ikan to come back and decide, huh? susah betul bila jadi ibu tunggal ni :p

on another related note: the other video portrays the 'band'-WOE playing a single acustic guitar for the whole song. boleh plak aqish: "ma, kakak nak buat macam ni tapi nanti mama dah meninggal (?!) kakak x boleh berdiri pegang guitar lagi"
ok, aku memang konpius apa kait mengait tapi terkedu wo anak sebut pasal aku meninggal!
(tapi aku rase she was referring to when she is older like the woman in the video, aku may not be with her anymore)

on cursing.

i am a cursing person.
i know its bad but it feels soo satisfying, no? heheh (sorry, babe!)<- ikan hates it when i swear. he uses what the fish, where as i, use the original word :p

anyway, last week, when me and the hubs were playing badminton, biasala tu.. i swear when i missed.

"demmit!" (kinda polite??)

sekali, boleh pulak aqish "ma, demmit tu apa ma?"

hehehe.. we shared a glance, me and ikan. ikan- reproachful, me- guilty.

i turned to aqish and told her "demmit tu is swearing, only orang besar, mama and abah can say. Nanti kakak da besar boleh cakap, sekarang x boleh"

hahah.not a good one huh? i mean, not curbing? i dont want to be a hyprocrite to my daughters. i swear, a lot. i cant tell them they cant, when they are grown ups. but it has to be those in the politer (eh??) region.

anyway, i came across this very same situation in a book i recently read. and the father also said to his kid that he cant use it, only adults can.

hah.

on akward explanations- i am spared with the akwardness when aqish asks where does baby comes from, cause she and busyra knows that they came out from my tummy :). how did you (read: mommies underwent natural birth) fare with this? :)

about an odd song.

i listen to hitz.fm kinda songs.
lately, there's this one song that to me, is kinda odd to be included in hitzs' but somehow hmmm... interesting?

gotye's 'somebody that i used to know'

its about a not so pleasant break up.
oh, and the video- hahah.. very artistic.

i dont know why this one sticks with me. i guess i like underdogs.

to close the week.

this pic was taken back when Busyra visited her grandparents in aloq staq and left mommy crying like a mad woman sebab my kids werent complete... :p

mommy's boy.

here you go.. everybody, meet my boy- Aydeen baby.
also known as aydeen hahamad didin by his sisters :)

i particularly love the way he hold on to my tudung :) heeeheee
(or some may interpret: holding on to mommy)

so..
he is almost 3 months now. *sighs*

Aydeen Muhammad Ahmad Zaidi was born 3.36kg at 10.16am in Columbia Asia Seremban on 3rd Jan 2012. It was one of my most terrifying yet wonderful day of my life!


lemme tell you the story from the beginning, no?

not a lot know that i was scared sh*t with this pregnancy. I was scared at death, being disabled, and other birth complications. i dont know what risks of 'lekatan' are etc etc. (i didnt dare to google cause then i tend to think about it more often...). i was even scared of the impending 'prep' procedure.


[selit jap... in government hospitals, (for elective c-sect) the prep is done hours before the actual operation. like in Hailey's case, i was being prepared for it (insertion of CBD etc) at dawn. after that, it was hours of uncomfortable state (dont get me wrong, i am NOT complaining. they are good and efficient. if i wasnt scared govt doctors may do a btl on me, i would 've just delivered in Serdang too...).
then, i will be pushed to the OR and being lifted la.. pulled at la.. and having your vajayjay stucked with lines isnt helping. and then, the waiting in the cold OR, waitng for the anes specialist and all the 'tegakkan belakang, rehatkan bahu'... OMG! i was even scared at that! abih selit]


i was still scared when we arrived at the hospital. but when Dr Intan came in the OR waiting room, she was all hyped up and cheerful. she said 'ok, Aisyah. I am ready. lets see if the OT is ready, we can go in'


such sempoiness. it literally made all my fears dissapear. :)

and there i was.. after waiting like half an hour in the waiting room, i literally walked myself to the OT. hopped on the OT myself! no tugging/ pulling. i was soo relaxed. in no time, the did the spinal on me. and before i know it.. dr intan was saying 'testing, testing'.

and i was cut.

and then, i felt like my inner organs were sucked out.

and then. it was then. i felt terribly wrong. i remembered the feeling, sh*t! i think im getting a gastric attack.
i said, "tetiba saya rase macam lapar la dr".

they cant give me anything, nor they can guarantee me having something to eat later- im on anes. i cant eat. or else, i may throw up and that is a huge no-no after surgery.

i try to shrug it off. especially when they brought my little boy to me. yeap, there it was. a boy :)


after everything was done, my gynae peeped through my surgery blinds (or whatever you called them), congratulated me and she was out. there. it was done.

until! i reached my room and yeap, i had that gastric attack in full force. its like that same 'nak mati' feeling again. luckily i was still numb and i cant feel my cut pain. they gave me those white solution for gastric and other painkiller drugs. alhamdulillah. i think i passed out a bit after that.

oh well. alls well now. and after only one night in the hospital- im out! weeeeee~~~~

...

just when i reached home. i havent even sat yet.
this guy- ikan said

"ma, kita tutup ngan girl eh?"

i'm a muslim

i was reading loretta chase's blog and stumbled upon this '18th Century Love' blog.
the page i landed was potraying pics of muslims in the US for the 'Campaign Against Streotyping'.

i particularly love this lady, wearing hijab and holding a note saying "Just because I'm wearing a hijab, doesnt mean I'm perfect"

true.

jinx of giddiness.

after finishing Collins' first in her trilogy, i thought i need some time to neutralize my emo.. but, it was, seriously a good book. i indeed intend to watch the movie.

during my so called 'relaxation', i read 2 crappy books.

one was by kleypas- rainshadow road
another was by sarah maclean- a rogue by any other name.

sux.sux.sux. both of them.

i cant believe i wasted ~rm70 for those two. thankfully kino gave 20% discount off for both. or else, i might have wasted rm90!

maybe my expectations were a bit high.. i mean.. kleypas?? now she prattles on magic. next book in the series will be on ghosts. seriously?? (but i will still buy and follow though-- yep, hypocrite that i am :p)

for maclean, i dont think i will be following her anymore. i love her first novel- 9 rules.. but i have read her 2 books completing the series and it didnt do it for me. i rolled my eys like frequently!

i am returning to Collins. huzzah!

the impatient me just have to tell this...

due to positive words from a very trusted reading friend, i bought all three of the 'The Hunger Games' trilogy.

it wasnt because of the movie. it was because of the book, the first one in the trilogy- The Hunger Games.

I SO FREAKIN LOVE SUZANNE COLLINS! and, i am only at chapter 3!

i am crying like a baby..
felt again like that teenage girl on a crush...
and blo.ody! i love all the emotions being narrated in this one- the sadness, the desperation, the pride, the gratefullness..
i cant explain. i just know im gonna love this book. i just hope the movie is also as good. (i purposely read the book first, then will follow with the movie)

go read the book. ;)

being the jakun.

we- me, me hubs and this friend had dinner last night.. and guess who got to ride (while grinning from ear to ear) in THE CAR??

the jakun
(control jakun :) tapi kantoi kat mata yg terbuntang :p)

 

the car



the owner

eh, x amek plak gambar 'the most sporting husband' :)

no story today. i better focus on my audit thing.
haihhh~~



on being a matchmaker.

or make that meddlesome.

hahaha... i will let you in on one of my embarassments..

i was trying to matchmake my friend and a colleague of mine.
this friend, eventhough he is not that (read: Goddess) goodlooking (but not ugly either! Kire, oklah) and not having an impressive career resume (not yet, perhaps...), i still believe him to be quite the catch.
i mean, he does not smoke. he is a gentleman- never does dutch treat and treat women really good- maried and single ones, loves and respect his parents (that tells you something, there!) and humble, albeit sometimes vain too.. :p

oh, oh.. he is a chindian (eh, punjabi actually)

anyway, i have this colleague and i thought that they might suit. so i gave him her number (after she consent in giving- after she searched him in FB).. and i insisted him to call or text her.. in hopes that they might go out and perhaps if not being a couple, be acquaintances.

it turns out- she was not interested. (and from another, i found out that she's into looks! Oh! i have to add that they didnt even had one decent conversation through the phone, much less meet!

Anyway, when this happens, i feel bad. bad for him, actually.. for meddling in the first place and even worst, when i want him to meet my boss (also single- but purely to extend networks! heheh he has rich friends*!... and if (IF!) they hit it off... then why not...? hehehe) .. she also canceled due to work stuff (true)

ok, maybe.. i have a tinie minie agenda why i want my boss to meet him- so that she can see what my colleague is missing... (he has a sportscar...)



fuuhhh... i dont know about cars but i would think any girl would look lovely getting out from this one, eh?

oh well, maybe 'bukan jodoh' applies here too..

but i still feel bad. and it sux.. this feeling.. mainly guilt la kot?

oh why do i bother?????

updated: * rich friends here to imply potential clients- my boss is forever extending networks, esp HNW individuals due to her sales nature. not pimping here. and definitely not saying my boss prefer rich people as friends.
but.. this is not the point of story. so skip along if you have that in your mind. :p

women being women, i guess.

so, i'm back to commuting using the train and that means i'm back to my reading.
i am currently on 'adventures of sherlock holmes' (eh, cam best ok??) and as i was finishing chapter 3, i came across this quote from our PI, taken from an old Persian saying:

"There is danger for him who taketh the tiger cub, and danger also for who so snatches a delusion from a woman"

kah kah kah.
eventhough i didnt agree with Holmes' not telling the 'delusioned' girl of his investigation result, i must admit, it was for the better, huh?

because, sometimes, if i have an idea or a theory in my head- which i am really really passionate about, eventhough some (read: ikan mostly...) might think it not so, boy, i hate to hear him critic ar shoot me down with the truth. it will travel the 'i-dont-believe-you' to 'you-dont-know-see-it-like-i-do' to 'you-dont-understand-me-enough' to 'you-dont-love-me' route. :(  lol!

no wonder jj & ean fo h.itz.fm suggested the 3)Lie detector 2)something cant remember 1)Lie applications for women..kekekeke

so hard to be a woman actually, sometimes, you want to KNOW when people are lying, sometimes, you want them to LIE so that you can be in your happy place. hahahah

latihan peluh.

in pursuit of me trimming me babyfat and ikan well.. dont know why he bother to slim down. i like em just the way 'they' are B-)...

we play badminton every evening..
and now, my other half suggests we go biking... (yeah, cycling, whatever..)

so, we are now in process of surveying bikes pulok.. i am a sucker for conservative everything. but the guy here is hyped on all new things and we end up looking focusing on folding bikes.

from here

i want this- Dahon.. tapi its too expensive plak for our purpose (actually sebab nak kene beli 2, tu yang kene budget).

so, thanks to people in Group.on, we are considering the one by excid.er. InsyaAllah.

the thing is... are you comfortable buying stuff that costs hundreds via the internet? honestly, i dont. i just hope it turns out well.

and, hope this does not turn into what they call- hangat hangat tahi ayam. :)

on j.ane a.usten again.

in Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth (ohh, i soo love quotes from her!) said this- when describing Mr Bingley's affection towards her sister;

"Is not general incivility the very essence of love?"

was it?
do you, without noticing it, lack social manners when you are in love?

hmm..
would my book (kah kah kah) make the male/ female protagonist struck like a fool for love?
but its rather romantic though.. a person being mildly rude- not delibrate though.. cause he/she is in love.
however, i am not sure whether the notion suits malay culture. as we all know, we are bred to conduct ourselves with good manners- always respect older people, never to disagree your parents, salam when arriving and before leaving the house/ company, speak softly in public, never ever curse, always take a care not to offend people, females should always be demure.. you know the drill.

no  la, i dont think it would work. well maybe it can but i havent the idea of how yet. but rest assure that i do not condone kids not respecting their parents, as apparently so-much being showcased by tv dramas nowadays. it goes against my own principle. i just cant write about that.
i am a believer that all normal parents (sans the sickos) love their kids and knows what is best for them.

but does this count?
a person, who may or may have not be in a relationship with this other person, gave his/her supposedly other person the cold shoulder once this person has been struck by another? and, without even the decency to clear things out with that person.
oops, nope. i think this one is considered selfish. heck, people tend to be that as well when they are in El O Vie Ee, huh?

hahah.. i guess im doing this.. this writting thing. but we'll see whether it gets to be finished or not (what confidence i have for myself, huh?)

PS: i mentioned to ikan that i would need his input (male thoughts) to develop my book and he replied- 'you dont need what men think. you just write what you female fantasize.' :p sucker! lol

on receiving good deeds.

a mildly serious post.

being honest here, how well do you receive compliments or offers of good deeds?

are you the sort of those who rejects the offering of good deeds/ compliments by default?- 'oh, takpelah, terima kasih', 'mana ada cantik, xde lah', 'haha, yelah tu'...

or do you take the perasan way out- 'oh, ofkos aku cantek', 'tengok oranglah'...

or do you take it gratefully and maybe, offer the same to the person offering.- 'oh well, thank you. you look pretty yourself', 'thank you, you are so kind'...

i was 'discussing' this with ikan on our way to the bank yesterday and i told him that i once was the first sort of people. that is, when people offers something to me out of kindness, i reject it automatically, without even analysing whether it will help me or not. i will repudiate any compliments saying those 'mana ada' ladidas. why i do this i dont know but nowadays, i am trying to change my ways to be the third kind- the ones gratefully receiving compliments or offers of good deeds. it makes yourself happy and believe or not, it will make the person offering you the compliments and good deeds happy too.

so, back to the bank story.
we took 2 numbers, me and ikan but decided to cancel 'my' business. so, my number is now available (our number were 387 & 388 and had to wait ~an hour for our number to be called). so, when ikan went for his number, i noticed a couple sitting at the back- waiting of course. so i asked them, 'what number are you?' she showed me hers '392'. so i was like, 'do you want mine?' and before i can even finish up my sentence the woman smiled and shook her head. but, me being the deterrent me, i continued, 'ambiklah, saya tak jadi nak pakai'. LUCKILY the husband said 'oh, terima kasih.' and to his wife 'baguslah, lagi cepat dapat'.

lol! did you see? maybe this woman has her own reasons to reject my offer. but to me, instead of me throwing the number and have that whole 'people-twisting-their-heads-looking-out-for-who-has-the-number' issue, would it be better if someone uses my number? i wont feel guilty by taking the number in the first place and she will be able settle her business if not, 10 minutes earlier.

and, when they accepted my offer, i felt happy. if they didnt, i may felt embarassed, i think.

so, the conclusion is... give a thought or two before rejecting one offers. if it does not bring any harm, then why not?

yesterday was my birthday :)

okay, my husband is still away in that hutan of his. so sorrow's still there albeit not that strong (cause he's coming back tonite! yeay!!)

the thing about your birthday is, it always have the effect of joy and happiness within you.
you know the whole sorrow thing from my previous post (yeah, that one).
at night that day (my birthday eve), just before i went to sleep, i thought of how even more melancholy i would be feeling on my birthday sebab i really really miss ikan. i didnt even expect to receive any call from him, considering he might not have any phone signals whatever. i went to sleep at 9.30pm. (deng early huh?)

during my sleep, i vaguely remembered someone called and sang me a birthday song.
that morning, i recalled i think ive spoken with my husband, yeayy!

BUT! thats not my point. my point is, from the moment i woke up, i have this giddy feeling that wont go away.

eventhough, i woke up late.. and, due to rain, i was stuck in traffic. PLUS! the smart tunnel was activated for the flood hence arriving more than late at the office. and then, arriving at the office, some 'negative air' was sensed cause few of my colleagues werent satisfied with our boss. and later, in the afternoon, there's this whole compliance issue to resolve.

albeit all that, i was somehow...still in goodmood for the enitre day! every second of the day!

well, apart from lots of wonderful things happened as well. but the point is, birthdays are nice. you are divinely optimistic in everything.

wished that everyday is my birthday. heh :p

join in on my sorrow...

yes, yes, i am those dramatic person..

my husband is away in god-knows-where hutan and our communication is VERY limited.
FOR A WEEK!

i, like soo many of my friends with the husband goes out station, am feeling very very sorrow.
i am deliriously melancholy. (you are allowed to roll your eyes. yes, you would think this is such drama! heh- i did warn you)

i was wretched when he was away for 3 days.
imagine what i am now. 1 week! with limited communication. seriously!

i watched (read: hooked on) this drama series- Li.fe Unex.pected and i see him. in character AND his physical attributes.
i drive back from work and saw a guy on a scooter and i see him.
i read a book and be reminded of him.
i listen to music and its about him.
i cook and wish he is there with me in the kitchen.
i go grocery shopping and silently have that 'apa lagi bah?' conversation with him.
the worst moments? when i hear gossips or news that i often re-discuss (by discussing, i mean me doing the talking, he doing the 'and-why-would-you-care' grin) with him during our '5 minutes' time, only to know that there wont be that '5 minutes' today.

it doesnt help either when my kids also ask 'abah mesti da datang kat rumah, kan ma?'

so, although i sometimes roll my eyes too, when i see this kinda status in my friends' FB status, i get it. i always have. its us expressing RINDU.

and you know what? tomorrow is my birthday.

heheh.. needy nye, aisyah!

....and i am Bee Ae See Kay, BACK!

olla peeps! its been a while, i know.

i havent introduce you yet to my son.. (sooooo proud of him and myself!). i'll do that later- hopefully with pics and all. :)

but, for what its worth, we named him Aydeen Muhammad. no B's for this guy, nope. He gets to join his parents and be in the 'A' gang :)

he is soooo handsome and beautiful! (i am allowed to say this. im his mother!)
cant wait to see his toddler face. i mean, now, he looks like his sisters when they were his age. i bet he is as handsome and adoringly beautiful just like his dad. (mode: deeply inlove with son and his pops)

ok. there's my hi, albeit a long hi.. heheh ;p