I found this article in the net and thought that it’s worth to share. Even though that it’s based on a mat Salleh marriage and relationship, try to take the gist of it. Make true sense and I like it.
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How to make your husband happy for the rest of your married lives
It would be fairly safe to say that most wives or women about to tie the knot would put making their husbands happy at the top of their life ambitions. Most wives would also claim to know what makes them happy, which begs the questions; Why do 50% of all marriages end in divorce? And why are so many husbands unfaithful? The problem is that it will take 20 years of marriage to really understand what will make your husband happy and him, most of his life, if ever.
You won't find all the answers here, the truth lies within the relationship that is called a marriage and hopefully you already have a good understanding of how your husband ticks. This page is more about getting you to ask the right questions and come up with the correct answers and help you understand more about your relationship.
So what is happiness? Are you happy right now? Is your husband happy? What makes you happy? What makes your husband happy?
We will address these questions later but let's look at the situation right now. We can only talk in generalities because your husband is an individual and all men are not the same. However, it is important to understand that men and women apart from the obvious differences are not so very different. You both have feelings, you are both capable of love, you both want to be loved, you want many of the same things and nowadays most men and women have a number of similar interests.
Little wonder then that the spouses in most successful marriages consider themselves to be best friends as well as lovers.
You are about to get married or maybe you have been married for a while and realise that your marriage is not progressing as you had hoped. Whatever your situation, we need to go back to before your wedding day and the lead up to your marriage. Although we are talking about your husband, much of this will also apply to you.
Your husband has chosen you out of the billions of other women in the world to spend the rest of his life with. As much as he loves you, certain doubts will begin to form in the lead up to the wedding, shortly after or even during the service. This is only natural, it is the most major life changing decision he will have ever made. It is not his love for you that he is questioning; he will be questioning his own capabilities and insecurities.
Despite the rise of feminism and "Women's Lib", men still see themselves as the person responsible for their wives care, safety and protection. Men were always the hunter gatherers and warriors, it is deep in their DNA and psyche and it is likely to take another millennium before this is bred out of them. It would be just as true that women feel safe and secure in their arms of their husbands so things haven't changed that much either from a woman's point of view.
AVOID DEBT PROBLEMS
People might talk about marriage being an equal partnership but your husband, despite what he says or believes he thinks will now have the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. He might not understand his feelings of insecurity, he might not even realise he is having them, but deep down he will believe that his job is to provide for you, put a roof over your head, protect you and one day, possibly have the added responsibility of having children. The pressures will be enormous and he will no doubt be questioning, sublimely or subconsciously, if he is up to the job.
He will most likely have ambitions or dreams to give you a big house, nice car, holidays and the sort of life everybody dreams of. He will be questioning his abilities to provide the type of life he believes you deserve and whilst you would be quite happy living in a caravan in a field so long as you are together, he like most men will look at the lifestyles of other more successful married couples and be asking himself if he is good enough.
You shouldn't try and curb his ambitions, you should share them but also help to manage them by both of you setting timescales and managing your finances. As more arguments between married couples are caused by debt problems than anything else, it is important that your ambitions do not get you into debt. The pleasure of buying something you both want will be far and away outweighed by the grief of the money problems it will cause. We all like to receive gifts but it will be down to you to help manage your joint spending. You cannot offload this responsibility. By being patient and waiting, you will get everything you want without the tears.
YOUR SEX LIFE
Getting married means you will have had your last first kiss. That tentative exciting and exhilarating moment that we have all experienced. Remember kissing your husband for the first time? The first few dates where you were waiting and he was late? The first time you made love? The moments of insecurity. Was it OK? Did you please him? Did you satisfy him? Were you the best? Well, that is exactly what he was thinking.
It was those moments of spontaneity, the insecurities, the early fears and worries that made the whole affair so exciting almost painful at times, but such a sweet pain that it was a strange pleasure. Getting married is sometimes a relief, a release from the anxieties you felt in the early weeks and months of your relationship. You have got your man and now you can relax. NO YOU CANNOT.
Many couples, having tied the knot sit back with a feeling of contentment. They have now got what they really wanted out of life and can now relax and enjoy the rest of their lives together.
Contentment is not the same as happiness. Contentment is not a feeling of euphoria, it is not exciting, it doesn't make you laugh or cry, it is not a sense of heightened pleasure and it doesn't stimulate the senses. Whilst contentment is boredom, it is boring and this is where so many marriages go wrong.
Marriage usually makes sex more accessible. Evening meal, do the washing up, watch a bit of television, then off to bed for a probably prearranged session of love making. For the first few weeks, months, even years, this maybe alright, but most couples will settle in to a routine where sex is simply something they do as a ritual. He will most likely do it because he needs the physical relief, you will most likely comply because you always have.
What happened to sex in the back of the car, the romantic dinners, the spontaneity, the stolen moments, the feeling of apprehension, the quickies in the most unlikely of places, the romantic weekends and the passion?
The back seat of the car has child seats and is covered in crisps, the romantic dinners are now a takeaway pizza and a bottle of red, spontaneity is getting a cup of tea made for you when you didn't expect it, stolen moments are when you sit down for ten minutes to read a magazine, feelings of apprehension are waiting for Eastenders to start, a quickie is dashing down to the supermarket to get some milk, a romantic weekend is watching the Sunday afternoon weepy; and as for the passion, that's him watching the match and you having a bar of chocolate.
Wives will argue, they have the children to look after, a house to run, often a full or part time job and they are tired. Yes they probably are. But aren't these the same women who had full time jobs before they got married, probably had their own flat, went out every weekend and most week nights burning the candle at both ends and made love most of the night before dragging themselves off to work the next day?
Aren't these the same women who always got showered and did their makeup and hair before they went on a date, made sure they wore sexy matching underwear, even went to the trouble of putting on stockings and suspenders because they knew their boyfriends found them sexy? Didn't these same women flirt, tease and do everything they could to turn their men on because it made them feel great to know they were lighting fires of desire?
Now the husband come home from work, his wife hasn't showered all day, hasn't done her makeup or hair, is wearing a house suit with marmite and jam stains down the front and regales her husband that he will have to fix the sink because little Johnny has poured glue down the plughole. Husband if he is lucky gets a kiss on the cheek and a cup of tea.
As for sex. That now falls between "you've got to be joking; after the day I've had." or "God is that all you think of, give it a rest, I'm exhausted." or "OK but make it quick, I need to sleep."
This is not what he signed up to when he got married. He expected you to put on a bit of weight when you had the kids. He knew when you gave up work that he would have to work longer hours to support you all; and he expected his sex drive to diminish as he entered middle age. What he didn't expect was to get sidelined, he thought you enjoyed the sex as much as him and whilst the fast food dinners you now cook because you haven't got the time or inclination to prepare him a proper meal have taken their toll a bit, he thought you would still find him interesting and not lose interest in yourself or him.
This why you see so many adverts on singles sites where women are looking for a new partner that must be honest, because their husband went off with his tail between his legs because he no longer felt loved or desired. Have a look at any dating site and try and find any female looking for a male that doesn't stipulate that he has to be honest. Nigh on impossible.
Which brings me back to my unofficial wedding vows. Not that I am condoning infidelity but most husbands lies and infidelity start some years into a marriage. Whilst his wife lied at the alter when she said:
"I will stand by you no matter what happens throughout the rest of my life. I will love you more each day, come what may, I will support you when you need me, I will love you because of your faults and not despite of them, I will forgive you when you hurt me, I will never knowingly do anything to hurt you, I will consider your every needs, I will face every problem beside you and wherever possible take those problems away and I will ask for nothing in return except your love and to know you are happy, because all I want and need in life is to spend the rest of my life with you."
When I started talking about the secret of a happy marriage I said you have to treat every day as if it were more important than the last. This included your husband. All men have needs both physical and emotional and it is essential that you meet those needs in order to keep him happy.
If you are about to get married, you need to take this information on board. Getting married is not the end, it is the start and you will need to keep reminding yourself about how happy and why you were so happy before you got married.
My comments:
I remembered being guilty of the paragraphs in red. That was after aqish was born, I felt content with my life, and I remembered all I cared about was my daughter and the house. My ikan is there for me emotionally, physically too but it wasn’t as exciting as our first months of mariage. What I felt important was that the house has to be in order for me to really enjoy the night, which was very seldom.. And, I remembered those days, we always fought. On the littlest things.
Yes, I am embarrased to blurt this all but I think it is a very good advice, i.e. to keep the ‘kepang’ ß my school mates know what I mean here… even after some time of mariage. Bukan nak kate my marriage is boring, its just I found it to be soo true, now that I am so excited to bring back the romance back into our mariage. I left contentment behind me. I hope it last. Da x mau take my hubs for granted. He’s there like when I was first infatuated by him. Eager to tell him what a day I had, his day.
I remembered talking to Elin on this- she’s getting married (I didn’t spoil your surprise, did i?). Anyway, I think it is something really good to ponder. I like it now when I acted as though during dating dulu2. to put an effort of going out. KESIMPULAN die adalah- don’t ever feel the contentment. Be exciting. And, I think I read some where, that in order to make your marriage happy, make sure your purpose of marriage is to make your spouse happy with expecting nothing in return. Ikhlas lah kirenye. I agree to this, eventhough sometimes it may be harder than it sound, but just keep in mind, always.
I am trying my best to.
