ye, aku tau.. this is kinda irrelevant memandangkan da nak bulan february dah.. tapi i somehow nak lepaskan this from my chest and meng'visualise'kan ketidak syukuran aku so that aku should bersyukur. (my own therapy towards moving on)
if you ask me la nih what my take on 2008- terus terang i say I HATE IT.
aku benci changes and to me the BIGGEST changes happenned during 2008.
On March 2008, my dearie boss left the company. i learnt alot from this guy. he managed us (the whole team) very nice. memang nampak die sayang kat team die, tak kire cine ke india ke, melayu ke... pastu, he's generous, kind and very helpful. ye, memang ade flaws die tapi to me, kebaikan mengatasi keburukan. dan no, im not in love dgn my boss okeh? tapi, he was a great boss lah.
he even left me and amarjit some farewell 'gifts' before he left. see.. very nice..
so, after die pergi, yes.. i was lost ok. tapi sib baik ade amarjit, my counselor. heheh. tapi da x best dah opis tu...
then, by May08, my new boss masuk. sangat benci sbb 1st day masuk, leh lak xde inisiatif nak kenal2 ngan team die nih. ntah apa2 ntah dok dlm opis main ngan pc and laptop die. setiap org yg datang nak sapa, leh lak buat cam 'malasnye nak layan ko nih' nye style.
so, 1st impression die mmg sucked ok? tapi kitorng didnt gave him a hard time pun. siap nak explain apa kitorng buat... serious die xnak dgr. mmg merana laa...
pastu, ade hati la nak ajak makan lunch sesama. kunon nak berkenalan la... but turns out.. him busy talking about himself. dah la boring gile cerita die. x menarik mana pun. plain O plain O.
then.... hahahah to our surprise! bleh lak bagi announcement yg 'we shud do this quarterly.. tapi you all bayar sendiri la makanan you all'... hish... perlu ke buat announcement cenggitu? ingat kitorng nih pelahap duit org ke?
yess, andrew selalu belanje.. tapi often kitorang paham2 sendiri and bayar la kat die cik oii!! aku sgt x paham boss baru aku nih. and lepas2 tu, sume actions and sayings die sume merapu and annoying. nak tau how annoying? sampaikan aku kene doa everyday, every saat (almost) so that aku wont be stressed that day (everyday ok??). ye, i need Allah's help in dealing with him.
tapi, aku x tau la die nih actually very mean ke or simply misunderstood??
tulah experience ngan boss baru. my bad la my 1st boss was such a nicey!
banyak lagi ke'hampeh'an die tapi sgt malas nak elaborate. an everyday story tau. so, if you sum it all up, since May08 to Jan09??? wahh banyaknye stupid and stressful stories.. (tu le pasal i need Allah's help).
pastu, June08... the week kenduri harizah. my dad start sakit. i wasnt in seremban for most of his illness so aku tak tau keadaan die se well cam kakmah. furthermore aku pregnant, my siblings tend to hide some things from me, takut jeopardise the baby.
started out dgn both of his feet swollen. memule tu mak aku cakap ayah tertido sambil buat treatment kaki yang pakai infrared tu. and acin(my nephew) telah mehcontinue je mesin tu when it stops.. kire macam over dossage of infrared. bile bawak to KPJ, die kate liver ayah cam kecik sket, that is after checking his heart and kidneys sume la..
aku tanye lenot, die pun diagnose bende yg sama... pastu, bile da melarat, ayah kene admit to hospital. i wasnt around masa 1st admission tu. maybe x serious mana kott..
July08.. aku tgh lunch ngan Tun & Amarjit.. tetibe dapat call from ayie kate ayah admit hospital, x sedarkan diri. aku nangis gile. aku kol lenot lagi. lenot cakap maybe sbb ubat kencing ayah kot jadi garam imbalance dlm badan ayah. treatment 2 hari mmg ayah x sedarkan diri, untill habis treatment. tu sebab, that time aku cam ok je bile pergi hospital. my other siblings plus mak aku da nangis2, kire aku je la yg cam rilek. aku was hanging on to lenot's cakap. aku ingat ari tu, ayah memang org lain. x nak makan ubat la (ooo.. my dad sgt rajin makan ubat) bagi ubat marah2 la, dikunyahnye ubat tu la.. tapi mmg bukan himself. he didnt kenal anyone. tapi, bile aku bawak aqish.. he smiled and panggil nama aqish. sukenye aku bapak aku kenal cucu (cucu2 lain x ikut, tgl ngan bibik2 depa). he was discharged after a week rasanye.
his birthday- 3rd August08. the day he turned 67years old. ikan ade keje that saturday. so, aku and aqish balik sendiri on that 3rd (sunday) to give him his birthday present. one from me+ikan, one from aqish. sesampai kat umah... ayah sakit lagi. he was week. he said he was feeling very week. weeker than the last admission. aku sedih. tapi aku tetap pegi keje that monday and asked harinder if its okay for me to leave early that day. he symphathized and said ust go now. tapi aku kene siapkan this bloody epf report, maka i have to wait jugak. buat reoprt pun cam taik je.. x fokus langsung. x check pun. otak aku serabut time tu sbb dapat call lagi from ayie. aku pun sibuk kol lenot. lenot yg baik ati suggest for her to come along to see my dad's condition.
sampai kat hospital, lenot cakap aku shud prepare for the worst. aku nangis x hengat. aku x nangis2 pun sbl nih sbb aku tau ayah will be fine. this was the start of my x putus2 doa to Allah:
'Ya Allah ya tuhanku, ampuni dosaku dan kedua ibubapa ku. panjangkanlah umur kami. ya Allah, panjangkan umur bapaku. Sihatkalah die seperti biasa..."
setiap masa.
tapi Allah lagi sayang kat my dad. He took him away from me and my family on 27th November 08, after few episodes of in and out from the hospital. kalau u all dgr cerita from my mom, lagi sedih, that she had to endure so much. pergi berubat kampung bagai. macam2 cerita and peristiwa yg mak, kakmah and adik aku ayi had gone thru. tapi none worked.
being a bit selfish here (memang tgh cerita pasal aku pun kan???)
aku x best lagi sbb aku pantang kat serdang. aku menci. aku nak dok kat umah, cam pantangkan aqish dulu. aku nak mak aku yg jaga. bapak aku yg layan cucu baru die. bapak aku yg tegur kalau aku pegang baby salah. tapi x.. aku kene redha yg parents aku not in the best situation nak terima anak yg sedang berpantang kat umah tu. dan aku sedih sbb mase derang tanam uri, busyra masih kat hospital time tu, so aku x dapat ikut gi balik seremban, jumpe ayah.
aku terime berite ayah nazak after a happy nite with frens coming over to visit Busyra on my 8th day. aku seronok malam tu.. aku ade gak tepon2 umah seremban tanye pasal ayah tapi sume org kate cam biase la.. lemah. tapi not getting worst. so aku mmg suke.
ye, eventho aku x suke nyesal ngan apa yg da berlaku, tapi aku rase guilty sbb ayah masuk hospital lagi time aku bergembire tu. bangangnye aku x dapat rase yg ayah masuk hospital sbb da nazak!
ayi called zaidi on wednesday, 9th day. ayah nazak. ikan balik umah and told me the news. aku nangis sangat x hengat. mak kedah kate jgn sedih sgt sbb aku tgh pantang tapi.. i cant help it!
i am soo not ready to lose my dad. aku percaya ayah masih boleh sembuh and baik seperti sediakala. cam doa aku ever single prayer..
26th Nov 2009
aku balik, ayah baru balik dr hospital. dr india tu yg suggest bawak balik and baca yassin. time ni, ayah memang da x kasi respon dah. die just bernafas je. sian aku nengok ayah.
petang sket, aku bawak busyra jumpe ayah. suddenly aku cam perasan ayah looking at her and me and sighed. aku sgt terharu. aku amek tangan ayah and put it on Busyra's head.
malam tu pulak, Busyra x sihat. asek arching her body and meneran. no crying. kul 3 pagi we decided to go to columbia seremban. pastu dr tu kate Busyra demam, 39.4 celcius. cepat2 kitorng gi balik kat hospital serdang.
27th Nov 2009
she was admitted at 5 am due to demam. most likely sepsis, jangkitan kuman. so, they started her on general antibiotics.
aku balik umah serdang that morning and after mandi sumer, balik seremban balik. that was around 7am camtu.
sampai seremban, everyone asked. aku sedih tapi a bit tenang. i had this small talk with my sisters pasal ayah. tetibe aku macam da redha if anything wud happen to ayah. sebelum nih, aku cakap kat mak aku yg aku x redha lagi kalau ayah pergi. aku x sedia. aku xnak terime.
aku plan nak balik serdang balik to see busyra kul 12 tu... it was 11.30 da when we finished our talk. aku pun gi siap2 nak ke serdang, makan apa patut.
kul 11.55am, aku da kat porch, tunggu ikan amek apa ntah from dalam umah. tetibe ikan panggil aku. suddenly there was chaos. ayah da semakin nazak. sume anak2 ayah aku ada sebelah sie except for my sis, kakak. di egi amek anak die fr umah die. aku doa ayah pergi dgn tenang. mak aku sempat datang peluk cium ayah mase tgh nazak sgt tu. i can see his face cam tenang.
kitorang ajar ayah 'la illa ha illallah...'. ayah pergi on 11.59am, 27th Nov09.
sedih. sapa x sedih. tapi aku cam helpless. anak aku kat serdang. ayah aku nak kene kebumi. mak aku tinggal kat serdang. da la aku xleh nak bace tahlil, yassin, nak sembahyangkan ayah. tell me, kalau korang, wud u be devastated?
balik serdang, dr mintak kebenaran utk buat LP plak kat busyra. ya Allah....... apa lagi la... aku tanye lenot die kate ok je. normal procedure. memule tu, dr cakap busyra kene admit sampai 7 hari. tetibe 10 hari. after keputusan LP dapat, kene extend 14 hari plak. balik umah tanpa busyra buat aku bertambah sedih. skali tu, mak kedah nak balik alor setar, ada kenduri. bawak aqish, senang since aku kene dok hospital. sedihnye 10 hari tu. raya qurban pun kat hospital. tapi at least busyra sihat.
busyra and me discharged on 11th December 08. mak aku masak kat seremban, nak welcome me back. she sounded ok. aku je yg masih kesedihan.
rerupenye... bile aku sampai seremban.. setiap pagi mesti mak akan nangis ingat ayah. who wouldnt? they were always together.
and the rest of my 2008.. my mom and my lil sis cries a lot teringatkan ayah.
how sucked my year went huh?
even ade gak nice events.. tapi aku rase the above superceeds my syioks last year.
k lah, utk buat aku bersyukur..
me, ikan and aqish went to phuket with my mates. that was fun.
i confirmed my pregnancy. but then rejected from getting this job in prudential.
i got my promotion. and a big bonus. hence the car. alhamdulillah.
i got Busyra Hannah. very much alhamdulillah.
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to move on.... (i'm still feeling depress. camne aku nak lupakan kesedihan ni? i still pray very hard everyday, every morning, every prayers time... tapi aku masih sedih.)
i really hope my 2009 will bring sheer happiness for me and the whole family, my extended families, my friends too.
sometimes, i think that i will need changes in my home, my work, everything utk move on. nak dapatkan semangat baru tempuh hidup nih. aku tau, ramai lagi org yg lebih teruk nasib die dr aku... maybe you guys might think yg aku nye nasib x teruk pun.. tapi why do feel that my world is soo gloomy?
