the magic plak..

For some of you.. You might know that i started this blog after reading the secret.
Then supposedly i share my stories reelating to the application of the secret. Heheh...

But it stopped there. Ive seen the sequels of (is that what u call em?) the book but i never bothered to look at it cause to me... What more can u say about applying positive thinking rite?

Then... I changed my job and reunited (chewahh) with my ceo.. A very inspiring woman.

Cut the story short... She read the secret too and suggested for me to finish the trilogy... I.e. The magic and last... The power.

'its like a formula' she said.

Im a sucker for what anything she suggest and End up....bought the books. Im grateful that i did.

Now my lovely friends... Im urging u to do the same. Complete the formula.

You'll be amazed of whats already there that we never seemed to realize.

And as a muslim... Even more.


Happy reading y'all. May God bless. ;-)

i'm still alive.

Im just super bz.
No lappy to play with.
... And my office blocks blog sites. :-(


But i have lots of inspiring stories to tell. Just wish that i find the time soon.

P.s. Miss u too ness ;-)

yes, i've taken it out.

and.... it was not as disgusting as i imagined. the process nor the thing. ;)

oh, i was talking about my nuvaring, from my contraceptive post.

however, i dont know whether this is related or not, but my current blood pressure reading is quite high. and this is the first time ever i have this kind of reading. its always normal even during all my pregnancies. *sighs*

HOWEVER, before i am being accused of being a slanderer, heheh, you have to know this is merely a suspicion on my part.. uhm... and maybe... that i was also just recovering from a fever, which means antibiotics and what nots... plus, i didnt have the time to fully rest after the fever broke- being on the road from alor setar to kl.
and here i thought my body is all imune to hardships :p

anyway, yes, i was quite quick to put in my suspicion to the ring. heh.

but as it is, i think it went well. i was told that i will be expecting my periods during this time and yeap, i did.
and, aside from me being under the weather, no other side effects though.

old issue...soothed.

no big secret. i hate being old.

but here is the best part when you are in that state. you feel extra excited when being commnented (or slightly implied) that you are not. B-)

last weekend, me and ikan, we were one of the entourage for a cousin's (ikan's side) engagement. so, they invited few relatives in KL to join in, which includes both releatives from the cousin's mom (ikan's aunt) and his dad, plus.. a few of this cousin's friends.

we gathered at this cousin's house for a breakfast gathering before we make the convoy trip to Sepang.

first episode
me and ikan (the kids are in Seremban at my mom's place since they want to spend their school holidays at kampung), we sat side by side during conversation, eating and sometimes do nothing. we touch each other, yes. playfully slapping or pinching each other, whispering at an intimate distance. PS: this is NOT to make you guys puke. im telling you the condition that day.

and then, i joined the 'kids' at conversation- by kids i mean the cousin's friends. i think they just entered the work world, say 23 to 24 years old. one of them was holding a baby girl. close to aydeen's age. and me being the mommy-sickly-missing-her-babies me, asked to hold her baby and excused my obstrusive behavior as me missing my kids.

and.... this is when i get all smiley and kembang kempis.

the girl said "dah ada anak? Ingatkan belum kahwin lagi"

i grinned like a toddler being offered candy.. and purposely paused (to cherish the moment being labeled as single and (self impying) young...) before answering "heheh, dah empat dah"

at this moment, i had vague thoughts that she may be referring to our 'behavior' but i insist that she meant our looks. taking from Jenny Lawson, dont judge me.

second episode
me and ikan were in this conversation with a relative (ikan's aunt's husband's side). It is logical that she (~60yo) didnt know us. both me and ikan being the younger generation in the family.
so, when she was asking ikan where he lives and ikan replied 'live nearby', and going on about being from utara and what nots (at this time, i was beside ikan, happily rubbing my palms at his thighs and smiling and nodding to the conversation). ikan's aunt was there too, joining the talk.

then the same woman asked me "awak duduk mana?"

.... *awkward silence*
i was trying to understand the question. so simple yet so difficult to answer.

then ikan's aunt saved the awkward silence by coughing and replied "ni menantu Lyn, wife die ni",  at the same time gesturing towards ikan and me.

simultaneously, ikan was saying "kami duduk kat sini-sini ja. dia wife saya", emphasizing the 'kami'.

it was awkward, yes. but in a weird way, i felt indignantly delighted.
i am giddy with the insinuation that we are young (self implied) and unmarried.
yet at the same time, i do not touchy feelly my boyfriend in front of elders. relatives, at that! (i know this left me with all sorts of implications but each to his thoughts) Taking from Jenny Lawson again, dont jugde me.

there. that was one of the many hectics (hahah, this is one emo ride for me since i take this old issue seriously!) that came over me during the weekend.

what should i feel? happy? perasan? hahaha. that is exactly what i feel. :)

beautiful words from the guy...

tell me i'm not wrong.

whatever puji-pujian you receive from other people, does not even compare to when you receive it from your spouse. (ok, actually, i'm talking from a wife's perspective).

and it goes vice versa (i mean, when HE comments/ complaints, urgh. it hurts. deep hurt)

if your friend says you're pretty, you say thank you and feel delighted.
when your husband says you're pretty, you feel like you're the f*cking queen of the universe.

if your relative says you're generous and kind, you feel humbled and delighted.
when your husband says you're generous and kind, you feel like you're Mother Theressa.

what if when your friends or acquaintance call you're crazy?
i doubt i feel a thing. laugh out loud maybe.

when my husband says 'YOU MAKE ME CRAZY!'
i blush (figure of speech, not real blush cause i'm dark and doubt i really can...) and smiled like a crazy person everytime i remember :)

my nose and i...

[selit] my sister (she's a teacher) said that most of her students (even the top ones...) are guilty of not using proper capital letters, as am i :). it is simply the sms-internet language invading them. i dont condone this in educational usage, yet, i dont get offended simply because it is easier for the writer and (having read some haywire converted ebooks), the content is what i am looking for :). all that said, sorry to have screwed your eyes with my incorrect spelling, grammars and capital letterings! [abih selit]

i have a blasted sensitive nose.
its worst during morning sickness when everything is smellier! (no, i am NOT pregnant!)

*prepare for some negativity*
i hate strong perfumes
i hate those (sorry) religious burning smells..
i hate bau kemenyan (my mom's neighbour, seriously!)
i hate bau cat's poop and piss (damn, neighborhood cat!)
i hate bau gel rambut lelaki yang sangat hapak itu..
and, this morning, seriously! i hate that my monday started with bau orang tak mandi. OMG! at least start your week with some hygene, no?

and now, i feel that the smell of this fella in the train is haunting me. or is it my flamboyant work neighbor pun x mandi?

ikan always says that its all in my mind and that the smell can be ignored.
i beg to differ.
my nose insist on sucking these 'odorants'. and that you can not unsmell them. its fact (eh, i think so)
and it will definitely kacau my lunch/ dinner or in this case- work. damn irritating, is what it is.

*gradually letting the negative air bubble out*
i do however, like this nose of mine when my kids pooped. :) saves the trouble of finding out when the poop gets thick to wash ;p *eww*
i like it also that i can smell good food (usually my favs) when no where in sight. so, ikan will be all 'mana ada' and flushes embarassedly when i found 'em..

oh well. dear nose, you can stop smelling these 'bau budak asrama' ever! make it like a filter or something before you send it to the whatever nerves..

gish!

felda oh felda...

disclaimer: this post is slightly different from previous posts simply because i dont discuss my own financial interest or investments publicly... embarrassed is more likely the reason :p.. but... felda wei!

anyway...

so, have you heard about felda being up for IPO yet? you should, if you're a Malaysian. with all the hoos and haas..

honestly, i havent trade in the exchange for 3 years now. restrictions, dont you know... but since... uhm.. you would soon know what..

i am seriously considering this. man, for ~rm4.50 worth (forecasted).. not as expensive as most blue chips.. but..
politics aside, think of money.. albeit my own analysis(?) might not be correct.. and, the very known stock market being unpredictable due to speculations (although analysts can never put this in their report!) but honestly, most stocks are driven because of it.
eh, nak bagi ceramah plak...back to the point.

if you are big players of stock market, you can opt for financing, which i can refer you to. easy peasy.
if you are a lowly small investor, why dont we give it a try huh? 10 lots (1 lot = 100 units, for those who dont know, in Malaysia, we can buy min 1 lot) only costs you rm4500.

felda, babe!

contraceptive day 8

i started nuvaring on 16th and today is my 8th day.

the insertion is easy peasy. seriously, i dont feel a thing.

the side effects?
not sure whether nausea is one of them or this is simply gas in my tummy. but its been a week now i- i felt like vomiting in the morning (only). please, dont let it be pregnancy again.
horny as hell- i noticed.
headache- minor, but again.. this might be the gas again.
there's some rash (ikan said) at my bon bon.
insomnia.. but maybe thats because of aydeen crying. (mommy's boy have to have his mom's arm pit near his face to sleep. and his mom rather be under his dad's arm pit.)

but so far, its okay. will be taking it out on June 6. will update that later (urgh... if you still want to hear read)

a quickie.

yeahh!!! received this from the mail today!

apologies for the camera quality. satu- ia di bawah meja dua- my phone adalah kuno hp.. hahaha

taking from the author herself,

'...Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them...'

here here~

f*cking cracking funny

i normally go to TheMalaysianReader's blog for good reviews or simply for a good chuckle reading his posts.
today, i am soo thankful for his desperation-to-read-something-funny that led me to be a fan of 'The Bloggess'. it is amazingly wtf-funny!

i seriously banged my head on my desk reading her posts. real or no.

*looks up to [heaven]* THANK GOD FOR THE NET!

my 'old' issue... again

ok, ok. for those who reads my post from a year back or so.. you would already know i dread being old.
and later i uhm... guess supposedly resigned to the notion.

well.. my resignation was with condition, actually. heh :p

i know i am no longer young. even though i favor most songs on 'we are young, forever young etc etc..' you get my drift.
but i separate myself from those kakak2 abang2 and encik2 (mid forties with kids in secondary schools)
to me they labeled as *sheepishly* uhm.. older generation.. (c'mon! i was born in 1980! still counts as gen-y kan?)

anyway, i am at peace (if not slightly disturbed) when a 10 year old calls me auntie/ achik. (actually, i almost strayed my cycling route when this boy hailed to me 'hi auntie!') but after recovering, yes, i managed to gesture a peace sign to him.. albeit not straight away :p

i, however, sangat terkedu when my neighbour's kid of ~14yo calls me 'hi achik'.

whoa? did that just happened?
(me and ikan were playing badminton and i honestly missed ikan's shuttlecock, and an easy one at that!)

i  know logically the boy should call me this. his younger sisters calls me achik too. nope, dont mind a'tall. but his younger sisters are ~aqish's age.

sekali lagi i was being knocked to senses. another sign to get the ibadah kicking!

The Hunger Games Trilogy

Oh, before that. I read and sometimes I put my thoughts on those books here but I am NOT in anyway starting a book blog.. well.. at least not in this blog. This one was supposed to be my experience using the secret but hahahah.. well, that turned out perfectly well, didn’t it?

Back to business.
As mentioned previously, I L.O.V.E Suzanne Collins! She writes splendidly!

I love all of 3 books in the trilogy but I didn’t like how she (and the director) did with the movie. I specifically hated the ‘blair-witch-project’ style of camera shooting. Its dizzying. :p

The Hunger Games
The first book in the trilogy is intriguing- it wrecked my emotional yin yang. I cried a lot reading this one. But also it somehow made me energetic and in a fight/survive mode. I love Katniss’ kindness act but not quite in her surviving act. Its because I like Peeta- his sense of maturity and kindness. Somehow, I hated Katniss for ‘acting’ to be in love with him, although it was needed for both of them to survive. At least, she should hint him that it was for the game, and not letting him on. But then, this is needed to strengthen the story line in book 3. *sighs* the book is perfect, to be honest.

But I did have the need to take a break and hence, I read The Hunger Pains, right before (or in between) I read the second installation. Just to get the feel again but also to reset my emo state to be at cheerful mode. :p deng its funny. Bodoh funny, but funny all the same.

Catching Fire
Uhm.. to tell you the truth. Reading the second book wasn’t too exciting. It was needed to introduce and strengthen the new characters. It also showed how Katniss developed a more adult feeling towards Peeta, but hold your horses... nothing exciting happened.

Anger and frustration- those were frequent feelings I had while reading. Romantic? a few.

This is where they don’t give a fig about the outcome of their lives and developed their sense of rebellion. Another must have before starting with Book3. Okay, it seems my opinion on the second book is quite dull. But its not so bad. Its still an interesting read.

Mocking Jay
Now, this is where the story gets serious. It tells us about war. Its simple, really- you hate being oppressed, you want to fight back and usurp the current ruler. And, yes, it involved war. But, there it is. War. It’s not so simple. Though fictional and I shouldn’t be thinking about it too much, but I can’t help it. Its definitely thought provoking. The story is wonderfully practical (can I say that?) what I mean is, while you are reading a fictional story and hoping/ expecting a HEA, which she delivered, but there were also unhappy endings especially to good characters. *spoiler alert* I love Finnick and Prim but they ended up dead.*end spoiler* Now, in normal stories, you would want to lash at the author. But somehow, I feel that the story needs this- to tell that war brings casualties. War brings sadness. It cannot say to readers (especially teenagers- young adults) that war is the answer and everything will be merrily ever after.

Though, I like the ending, albeit not too excited about it- having (the handsome) Gale out being this sophisticated government intelligence whatever, and kissing another pair of lips, as quoted by Katniss. He didn’t do anything wrong but I was hoping that he knows Katniss chose Peeta and not him (is it obvious I’m in team Peeta?) and not because of circumstances. Not because they wont be able to work out because of the bombing.

Another thing I love this third installation is because of what Plutarch said

“… Now we’re in that sweet period where everyone agrees that our recent horrors should never be repeated. But collective thinking is usually short-lived. We’re fickle, stupid beings with poor memories and a great gift for self-destruction. Although who knows? Maybe this will be it, Katniss …[This] time it sticks. Maybe we are witnessing the evolution of the human race. Think about that”

It summarizes somehow.

I wish I was reading these with my kids are in their teens. It’s really something I want them to read and ponder.

polite or not having the guts?

one thing i hate using the train to work is encountering peraba. *spits!* a$$holes, them lot!

you want your day to start off cheerful, happy and positive.
and then when you have to be sardined into the train, its still ok. prasarana may have their own legitimate reasons why they have to treat their customers like this, no?

but then, when you suddenly feel that some guy's hand suspiciously rubs your bum, and even after a not so subtle hint for the hand to 'bugger off!', you still feel it. argh #$@! would you want to just tell him off?

before you think i may be exagerating or syak wasangka.. cmon! i know there's room for his hands to grip the handle (both his right and left hands!) i even looked  stared directly at his hands on the job! why would you want to dangle your hand towards my bum when there is a perfectly free space at the handle bar for your hands to rest/ hold on to.

when i stared at his left hand, i felt again the slight rub by his right! i mean! seriuosly! i dont even HAVE a butt! go feel up your own a$$, f*cking b*stard!

(see? what reliving it made me feel? all fired up with anger!)

anyway, i dont know what actually refrained me from saying "dude! (or gramps for all i care), do you want me to swear at you and embarass you in here? or do you rather get your f*cking hands away from my f*cking butt?"

ok. sekarang i am all fired up, explains all the swearing.

why didnt i have the gut to say at least "excuse me, im not comfortable with your hands near my behind. can you hold on to the handle or aything?"

malu or plain malas? or takut? what? what makes most malaysian women cant speak when they are violated? why?

being a parent is hard.

hahaha..
baru sekarang terfikir?

its not that we dont know this. almost everybody knows that parenting is hardwork.
from birth, with what the waking ups at night, the early education, the lessons we want to teach and instill in them, the worry, the everything.

and you think that by 'telling' them the right thing to do is enough. well, its a BIG nope.

you also have to think about how you conduct yourself.
you simply cant be your outrageous-self and expect your kids to be not that.

its sometimes the simplest little habit of yours that will be picked up by them.
like me, seriously, i have to stop swearing (in front of them, at least la kan?).

and the outbursts? yeap, i blame myself too.
(mode: expressing self embarassment) back in our little condo, me and ikan, when we fight those fights, we fought like mad people :p. and unfortunately, all the outbursts were witnessed by them Bs. before you shook your heads, we know that its not healthy. but when in the heat of moment, sometimes logic and sense are thrown out the window. :( sad.. but there it is.

anyway, i think why kids are soooo expressive in their tantrums are because they saw the mother did it, then it must be ok.

gish... i am wallowing with guilt here.

so, being a parent. its hard. its good, though. it forces you to be a better person. and isnt that our ultimate purpose in life- being better?

Buying Books Anonymous

(ehem ehem.. *standing up guiltily*)

i went to a bookstore to buy these fixi books, after intriguingly reviewed by a blogger.
the said books were absent. i know i should leave. but my eyes wondered, my brains zinged, my hands itched.

i lost. i bought these:

Speeches That Changed The World, RM29
The Hunger Pains, RM49 (seriously! this is wayy expensive- by ringgit per page, compared to Collins' but heck, its funny!)
Dr Suess' There's A Wocket In My Pocket, RM9
My Perfectly Pink Activity Book, RM16 x 2 (utk B1 and B2 aaa)
Colours, RM8 (utk B3)

i havent finish reading the ones bought during the big bad wolf, the ones boght last month, the ones i purchased online.

i need to call my sponsor. ~~haihh

on dying.

oh.. why so depressing topic?

wait.. its not depressing. i am actually in a blithesome mood.

and, perhaps.. maybe a bit of influences from a post here and the hapless circumstances that led me to be one of the millions (ok, i guess this is exagerated) missed the cranberries concert. (read with passionate hatred: jeles kat anness)

anyway, back to the topic at hand. I know this is another one of my weird things i do/think.
have you ever think how you want to die?

my arwah ayah wished to draw his last breath at home with his wife and all of his children at his side. this was granted.

i want that too. but can i berangan-angan to die under the bright sunshine, holding my love ones, or.. them holding me.. i guess ?!

like that song from The Cranberries- Dying in the sun.
i want  to die happy and peacefully at old age, sitting on a balcony or something but under the beautiful bright sunshine.
with ikan holding my hands (preferably, we die together.. i dont think i am strong like my mother to have survive without my dad)
with my kids (and perhaps lots of grandkids) with me.

hahaha. me and my romantic sense :p
ikan: "is dying ever romantic?"
yes, when you have me as your wife :)

oops.. was i responsible?

remember the 'odd song'?

i watched the video at home so that the videos are not interrupted. so, basically, when i watched it, my kids are there with me- especially aqish.

(p.s: the original video- the artistic one, 30% involves partial n.udity. I always order aqish to close her eyes whenever she sees a lot of unnecessary flesh :p. it includes this one.)

but the thing is, she loves this song too. and between 2 of the most popular videos (one by gotye, one by walk of earth), she said she loves the video of the latter better but loves to hear the one by gotye and kimbra. she adores kimbra's voice and... eye lashes! "-_-

she is (like me...) addicted to this song (she actually disected the video- commenting on the voice (low, high), why a certain gesture, why the angst... i ended up explaining the meaning of the song. and now she is obsessed with 'stranger' and 'somebody i used to know'!)

so now, i am torn.

i am proud that she is actually analysing the song- picking up the words and asking me what it means. but at the same time- i am not 100% comfortable with the expossure of fleshes, eventhough it is not that vulgar.

i dont know, what do you guys think..? should i absolutely ban her from watching it?
(sebab, ade satu video of Selena Gomez's- love song tu, this girl was murdering(!) the boy, and once we noticed it, we banned them from watching, which they (aqish mostly) obliged)

but then, she loves kimbra.
i better wait for ikan to come back and decide, huh? susah betul bila jadi ibu tunggal ni :p

on another related note: the other video portrays the 'band'-WOE playing a single acustic guitar for the whole song. boleh plak aqish: "ma, kakak nak buat macam ni tapi nanti mama dah meninggal (?!) kakak x boleh berdiri pegang guitar lagi"
ok, aku memang konpius apa kait mengait tapi terkedu wo anak sebut pasal aku meninggal!
(tapi aku rase she was referring to when she is older like the woman in the video, aku may not be with her anymore)

on cursing.

i am a cursing person.
i know its bad but it feels soo satisfying, no? heheh (sorry, babe!)<- ikan hates it when i swear. he uses what the fish, where as i, use the original word :p

anyway, last week, when me and the hubs were playing badminton, biasala tu.. i swear when i missed.

"demmit!" (kinda polite??)

sekali, boleh pulak aqish "ma, demmit tu apa ma?"

hehehe.. we shared a glance, me and ikan. ikan- reproachful, me- guilty.

i turned to aqish and told her "demmit tu is swearing, only orang besar, mama and abah can say. Nanti kakak da besar boleh cakap, sekarang x boleh"

hahah.not a good one huh? i mean, not curbing? i dont want to be a hyprocrite to my daughters. i swear, a lot. i cant tell them they cant, when they are grown ups. but it has to be those in the politer (eh??) region.

anyway, i came across this very same situation in a book i recently read. and the father also said to his kid that he cant use it, only adults can.

hah.

on akward explanations- i am spared with the akwardness when aqish asks where does baby comes from, cause she and busyra knows that they came out from my tummy :). how did you (read: mommies underwent natural birth) fare with this? :)

about an odd song.

i listen to hitz.fm kinda songs.
lately, there's this one song that to me, is kinda odd to be included in hitzs' but somehow hmmm... interesting?

gotye's 'somebody that i used to know'

its about a not so pleasant break up.
oh, and the video- hahah.. very artistic.

i dont know why this one sticks with me. i guess i like underdogs.

to close the week.

this pic was taken back when Busyra visited her grandparents in aloq staq and left mommy crying like a mad woman sebab my kids werent complete... :p